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94.

The Saco Motel was a run-down motor lodge across from a gas station on a rural route. They were the only two businesses for miles in any direction. Despite the recent snow there were many vacancies. Freya could see why Samantha was so pissed at her, this was a definite step down from their trailer, and she had to pay for the privilege.

At the front desk, Freya claimed she was part of the Gregulus party and paid for both nights of Dan’s room. She rented the room next door. If Samantha wouldn’t let Dan stay in her room, she still wanted to be as close to him as she could. He was only a hundred feet away in the car but she could keenly feel Unity was degraded by the distance.

The clerk paused for an instant when he looked at Freya’s ID. But the card went through and he didn’t raise an issue. Confidence was everything. With every step as Freya walked back to the car she could feel Unity ramping up, like she was climbing out of a cavern and into the glorious light of day. Lynn gave her an odd look, not understanding her smile.

“Thank you so much for the ride,” She told Lynn. “Could you pop the trunk? I’m staying here tonight.”

“Samantha may not agree,” Lynn cautioned.

“She doesn’t have to agree. I have my own room,” Freya said, Lynn only shrugged. It was odd to see her not press a point, Freya wondered if she was ok to drive home. She must be exhausted, but Freya didn’t know what she could do about it. If she asked, Lynn would insist she was fine.

It’s the thing with Lassa, Dan explained. He pictured Lynn Harris slowly deflating, punctured by the idea that Lassa had lied to her. The vision deepened, Lynn was clutching her guts, trying to hold everything in but it kept spilling out.

STOP. Freya winced. Dan rushed to apologize, he hadn’t meant to get so graphic, and she could feel the root of it. Dan hated all the lies, hated keeping this a secret. He wanted to come clean with Lynn, with his mother, with everyone. He knew they couldn’t and it made him miserable.

Soon. Freya promised, and she hated the doubt he felt in response, discord that had no place between them. That doubt would eat at Unity like acid, it would undermine everything.

Freya looked at Lynn and it began to sink in just how much bullshit Lynn had put up with on their behalf. She didn’t have to be here, didn’t have to drive them around, or put herself in danger. She wasn’t required to give a shit about her unfaithful lover’s problematic kid.

“Lassa didn’t lie to you,” Freya blurted. It came out of nowhere and it took Lynn a moment to realize what she was saying.

“Freya…” Lynn began, a patronizing note in her voice.

“No, listen to me. She didn’t know about any of the Hiidenkirnu stuff. I can explain it to you, it’s going to sound insane.”

Lynn was so ready to argue, but she bit it back. She shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling deeply.

“OK,” she said.

Freya and Dan explained the situation, and they were surprised to find some of the arguments that had been so convincing to Dr. Garbuglio didn’t work on Lynn. Lynn didn’t like science fiction, the idea of telepathy didn’t make sense to her. She didn’t have Lassa’s scientific background or Dr. Garbuglio’s fascination with the mind. The microscope pictures didn’t convince her either, her standards for evidence were strict. The conversation took nearly an hour, fortunately the heater in the Mercedes worked far better than the vanquished Toyota’s.

“What about the Starball?” Dan offered, and Freya could feel the glimmer of his desire, the hunger to be more.

“Here, let me see it,” Lynn offered, but Freya refused.

“We decided no one should get stuck unless they fully understand and consent. Lassa and Dan were accidents.”

Lynn narrowed her eyes, she thought this was all bullshit.

“I don’t know why we’re fooling around like this. You say you can read each other’s minds right?”

“Yes.”

Lynn Harris took her American Express card out of her wallet and cupped it in her hand. She held it out to Dan. Immediately Freya saw what she intended.

“3759 504718 11201” Freya said, preempting Lynn.

Frowning, Lynn took out her phone and flicked through it. She extended it to Freya.

“Read that. Word for word,” Lynn instructed Dan.

“III. RESTRAINTS ON OWNERSHIP OF RIPARIAN LANDS. When a parcel of land adjoins a water body, the landowner does not necessarily have exclusive use and dominion over the area adjacent to the water's edge. In some situations a public servitude exists on part of the exposed land along the water. In other cases a conveyance intentionally, or unintentionally, omits title to shorelands, thus denying the landowner the right to use the area immediately adjacent to the water in any way other than as a general member of the public.”

As Dan read through legalese. Lynn was totally still except for her eyes, darting between them. Slowly she drew back from them and got out of the car. For some time, they were afraid she was going to lose her mind and run off screaming. But she only stood outside in the cold, facing away from them, shaking her head gently with her hands on either side of her face. Finally she climbed back into the Mercedes. The effort it took her was visible.

“I’m sorry. I needed a minute,” Lynn said.

“It’s ok,” they said in unison, and then they felt the reflexive urge not to reveal Unity.

“Is that how… is that how you think? How you talk?”

“We are one,” they said. It was plain on Lynn’s face that she found this disturbing.

“We don’t have to,” Freya said. “Honestly, I almost don’t want to talk with other people at all. Speaking is so limited. Communication in Unity is just…” Freya trailed, trying to find the right words.

“There are no lies, no pretense,” Dan completed her. “The ideas are unfiltered, you see the actual truth of the other, what they really are, what they really want. It’s perfect,” Dan said.

Now they could see wonder dawning in Lynn’s eyes, she was starting to understand.

“Aren’t you afraid of being… exposed?” Lynn asked, for an instant her voice seemed so much younger.

“Terrified,” they agreed.

“It’s so much better not to hide. I feel free,” Dan said. Lynn nodded, they could see she wanted to know more, but she was struggling to find the words.

“I had worried it would be hard to accept parts of him,” Freya said. “But really, it was so much harder to accept myself.”

“It’s the same for me,” Dan said.

“What about Lassa? Have you ever ‘United’ with her?” Lynn seemed very conflicted as she asked the question, almost jealous.

“Never. Unity is only us, so far. Maybe that’s all it will ever be, we don’t know.”

“Are you scared?” Lynn asked Freya.

“I was. Now I’m just aware. It feels like we’re preparing for an operation we know is going to hurt terribly. We’ll probably be alright, but only probably. Does that make sense?”

Lynn nodded.

“I feel a little crazy just thinking about this. Does one of you ever drag the other down? Do you always have to settle on the average between you if one wants something more than the other?”

They had to pause to consider that. Freya thought of the way she’d squelched Dan’s joke earlier, the way he had to hold back when they ran together, her frustration when they’d skiied.

“Sometimes it does feel that way,” Freya said, feeling the idea seesaw between them. “I haven’t written any songs or poetry since this began. But as a whole we’re far stronger as one than we are apart. I would give up anything for him. Dan is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Lynn lowered her eyes, and Freya could see that she’d cut her very deeply without meaning to.

“I’m sorry,” Freya said.

Lynn waved it away with a grimace.

“You’re so much more human now,” Lynn said. Freya blinked as if she’d been slapped and Lynn struggled to rephrase in a less insulting way. “What I mean is you seem to relate to other people better, you’re much more perceptive. Is that from him?”

“A lot of it is. I’ve learned so much from being Dan. He fills in the gaps,” Freya said. Her choice of words drew a thought from Dan that made her cheeks burn, and he couldn’t help but grin at her. Freya hoped Lynn didn’t notice him leering.

She hadn’t. Lynn put both hands on the wheel, squared her shoulders and took a deep breath as she prepared to take this on. Freya admired that, she was a fighter.

“Alright. I believe you. I don’t know what we’re going to do about Lassa. This is so much,” Lynn said.

“We need some time too,” Freya said, her eyes on Dan, trying to keep how much she wanted him out of her voice. “Do you want to meet us here tomorrow or should we take a cab to Spring Harbor?”

“I don’t know if it’s wise to have Dan there,” Lynn began.

“I’m not leaving him for any reason,” Freya said.

“I understand,” Lynn agreed.

Freya just slowly shook her head.

No you don’t.

Freya resisted the urge to say it, she didn’t want to be cruel.

“Thank you so much for everything Lynn. I’m sorry this is all so hard. You’re a good person,” Freya said. Lynn had a funny look, she hadn’t expected to hear that.

Freya took the pistol from the center console, checked the safety and slipped it into her coat pocket. Lynn tensed with conflict, but they were far past argument, Freya asked her to pop the trunk.

Dan took Freya’s suitcase and guitar case out of the trunk, she quashed a feeling of worry that only she should carry the guitar. She silently apologized for acting like Mr. Mathis but Dan only found it funny.

I’ll be careful, he beamed. He knew what the guitar meant to her.

Freya unlocked the door of her room and let Dan in. Before she followed she turned back to the car.

Lynn was sat with both hands still on the steering wheel of the Mercedes. Freya was afraid she would be crying but instead Lynn was staring at her with naked longing on her face. Somehow that was so much worse. Freya gave her a sad little wave and went inside to be one with her love. One with herself.

* * *

They drew the dingy curtains and made desperate love on the motel bed that squeaked with every thrust.

Make it hurt, Freya willed, and there was no need to explain anything. Her nails dug lines of fire into his back as he crushed her against the bed, they could barely breathe but she was rising into every stroke and urging him on. The friction between them became more urgent, they were inching towards absolution.

Their orgasm was fire spreading out from the center of film, immolating everything in the frame. For a long time afterward they were an animal, two panting halves of a beast staring eye to eye with itself. They had gone so far it almost felt novel when they began to form complete thoughts again. They began as senseless exhortations, she had never been so hard, he had never been so wet, the line between them was blurred and squirming and it felt so good.

Freya never wanted to move from this spot, but it was inevitable. She had to pee and Dan’s stomach was gurgling. No matter how they tried to still it, the wheel of thoughts began to turn in earnest, so many things had happened and so many more were looming. They had one more breath of tranquility before they rose to resume the cycle.

Thank you, the thought began with Freya and ended with Dan. They looked around the room, seeing for the first time the ancient tube television, the spotty carpet, the lines of dust on the blades of the vents. This place was no Rabbit Hill Inn, but Freya quelled his embarrassment before it could even begin.

I’d rather be in a jail cell with you than a palace without, Freya thought, and Dan was trying to keep a straight face but he couldn’t hold it together. He started to laugh at her. It was the most sixteen-year-old-girl thing she could have possibly thought, and after an indignant moment she was laughing with him. They had a weird sense of how crazy the two of them must look to an observer, intense stares broken by peals of giggling. They pushed away the idea, worried that a cell was a real possibility.

We should shower, Freya thought, and Dan had a lazy desire to stay in bed.

Do you want to reek of sex when we explain to your mother that we’re mind-melded? Freya teased, and that got him up in a hurry. The saving grace of the Saco Motel was the water was hot and the pressure was good. They turned the water as hot as Dan could stand and did a slow waltz changing who was beneath the spray as each got cold. Freya had brought a little travel container of her soap and he lathered her up, loving every part of her he could reach with his hands.

Even with every drop of him spent inside of her, he still wanted her, and new arousal rippled between them. Before they knew it she had her hands pressed against the grimy tiles and he was taking her from behind. They were too spent to have another giant mind-wiping orgasm, but they still came, the closeness was better than the pleasure. He held her until the hot water began to give out and with a yelp they cleaned up as quickly as they could, bursting out of the bathroom laughing and dripping onto the abominable carpet.

They were in the middle of nowhere, there was nothing but the gas station across the road. Dan was ravenous enough that even hot dogs that had been turning on rollers all day seemed like a good idea. Freya wasn’t quite that far gone, but she thought she could do some serious damage to a box of Cheez-Its.

I have something for you, she thought, lapsing into subvocalization to maintain the surprise.

I just had it twice and I loved it, he returned. She grinned back and took out her guitar. Her mind wanted to leap ahead to the surprise, but she had the discipline not to think it. Freya savored his curiosity as she tuned her guitar. Then she began to play, the fourth note was an open D and his eyes lit with immediate recognition.

Metallica?

Dan could barely believe it, and she could only spare a grin for a moment before she had to concentrate. One wasn’t meant for just one guitar, but a bunch of people had come up with arrangements to play all the parts on an acoustic. Freya had watched several of them and stripped out all the parts she thought were too gimmicky. She would have liked to learn the lyrics too but there hadn’t been time. But as she played, Dan’s memory of the song rang out to accompany her, he knew all the words by heart.

DOCTOR! IMPRISONING ME!

The rest of the song was just an incredible flurry of sixteenth-note triplets that were meant to sound like gunfire, and when she was through shredding there was a film of sweat on her forehead. She beamed with pride that she’d nailed it, even though it was a ridiculous thing to do on acoustic.

I thought you hated metal!

The whole time before Unity, Dan had never talked about music. He never played it in his car, never advanced an opinion. She’d thought he didn’t care, but really he just knew she would judge him hard for what he liked. And he was right, she would have.

I used to be so difficult, I was such a cunt to everyone, Freya admitted. No self pity now, this was an honest appraisal. All the little twinges where Dan had held his tongue, all the times she’d talked too loud, laughed at the wrong time, all the people she’d made uncomfortable and never noticed. The way her friends had all dried up, the reason she was sitting alone in the cafeteria where the whole thing began. It was the price of Unity, seeing yourself fully from the outside.

I was such an asshole too, Dan admitted, and he was taking on all the shitty things she’d seen him do, the tears streaming down Claire’s face as she chased him around the house, the way they were always clapping Tate on the back of the head and making him the butt of every joke.

Freya set the Ovation back in its case and did the latches. She’d just wanted to do something special for Dan, but somehow the song had become a confessional. She took his hand and they stared at each other, deciding how they felt about all of this, the reckoning was long overdue.

I want to be better, they vowed. If only they could remain one, if only the Unity would last forever. They could do it, they could be so much more. For a silent moment they only listened, looking for the slightest fragmentation but Unity showed no sign of abating. Their movements were synchronized as they put on clothes and walked hand-in-hand to the gas station.