83.

It felt like aphelion.

Outside Freya’s bedroom window the sun was caught behind a veil of clouds that leeched all the color from the world. Dawn broke and the the bare limbs of the skeleton trees shone silver, then faded to gray. It was hard to find the energy to move out of bed, and for a few minutes she watched the pale green shadows of Yggdrasil climbing up the wall.

Checking the time Freya found she had woken too early, Dan wouldn’t be here for fifty seven minutes. Idly she wished she could blink and just make an hour disappear. It was a superpower she’d wished for again and again at Grayson. Dimly she remembered she’d been thinking the same thing when this all began, sitting outside the cafeteria a lifetime ago.

What if she could? Freya imagined her eyelids fluttering as fast as they could go. She had a maximum of what, fifty more years? She began to throw off the sluggish thoughts of sleep as she calculated. Twenty four hours a day, sixty minutes an hour. 438,000 hours of being alive left.

Even if she blinked a hundred times a minute, forty hours a week it would take months to finish the job. It was just so much time to endure, and she was awful for not appreciating it when better people didn’t get the chance. Freya dragged herself out of bed on the strength of the thought. She remembered the Waltzes and their geas, the awful Atlantean burden they expected Freya and Dan to shoulder.

Freya shrugged and went to the kitchen to fetch a pot of water. Yggdrasil was thirsty and it was up to her, there was no Hvergelmir in her bedroom. When she turned off the tap the air in the house was too still. Lassa was already gone, the driveway was empty, but the rifle remained, resting in the corner.

“Very good rifle,” Freya said, mimicking her mother’s accent to break up the emptiness in the air. She wondered if she ought to put it in a closet so Dan didn’t get freaked out, then she realized it was a stupid thought. There was no hiding anything from Dan, they would be one again.

Unity was all Freya could think about as she watered her tree, afterward she turned the taps of the shower until it was nearly scalding. Her skin absorbed the heat, piping it to glowing thoughts in her mind, Dan’s mouth on her neck, his hand running across her breasts, slipping down her stomach. Her hand followed the imaginary one, she could feel she was slick, wetter than the water. She had to stop herself from going further, he would be here soon.

After she pried herself out of the shower and got dressed Freya still had twenty minutes to wait. She looked at her guitar case, her fingers were aching to play but she didn’t have enough time for real practice and she was too anxious. Ten minutes before Dan had promised to arrive she put on her coat and stood outside. The morning was stunningly cold but she didn’t care, she wanted to see him the moment he arrived. If it wasn’t a crazy thing to do she would have climbed down to the road and started trudging through the piled up snow to see him sooner.

Dan arrived five minutes early, bounding out of the car with a puppy’s eagerness. Freya dashed up to him and they crashed together like two waves, each driving the other higher. Dan lifted her off the ground and she laughed, overjoyed. When her feet touched the ground again she pressed her cheek against his chest, feeling whole for the first time all morning. He was water to her, she’d been parched by his absence. With her eyes shut tight she tried to remember every detail of the feeling, she wanted to give it to him later.

“Feels like a year,” Dan said, and she nodded in agreement.

“Come inside,” Freya asked, and his eyes flicked back to the car as if he wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but he couldn’t resist her. In a blur of kisses and discarded clothes they made their way through the house to her bedroom. It was all so urgent, as he was trying to slow down she had her hands on his hips, moving him faster. She pulled him down and clenched him tightly until his entire weight was pressing her against the bed. His breathing was ragged, she knew he was almost there.

“Come inside,” she asked again, and he did at once, it brought her over the edge. His mouth was locked on hers as they cried out together. Seeing she could barely breathe he started to lift off of her, but she pulled him back.

“Stay there,” Freya said, and she felt him twitch inside of her at the words.

“Sorry that was so fast. I couldn’t stop,” Dan apologized.”

“That was exactly what I wanted. Just stay inside me, you feel perfect.”

His face hung over Freya, adoring her, and he gave her a thousand tiny kisses along the ridge of her eyebrows, the tip of her nose, and the line of her jaw. For a moment he drew back and stared into her eyes, burning with want, and she could feel him getting hard again inside of her. They made love a second time without ever slipping apart.

“Did you…” Dan asked afterward.

“I came too hard the first time to get off again. It’s ok, it still feels amazing for me.”

She saw doubt on his face, and she ran a hand along his cheek. He was so new at this, so vulnerable.

“You’ll feel it when we’re together again,” she reassured him.

“I love you,” Dan said, and Freya said it back. She was smiling so hard her jaw muscles ached.

“That was so good!” Dan said. “It was almost—“ he swallowed the sentence, it wasn’t something he should say.

“Almost as good as Unity,” Freya finished for him. Both of their eyes shot to her jeans, the Starball was in her pocket.

“Soon,” she said, hoping it was true.

* * *

Too soon they untangled and began to dress again. Dan watched her from the bed, his eyes ran over her legs and lingered between them as she wiped herself off with a tissue.

“We can take a shower if you want,” he offered, and she was about to agree before she stopped herself.

“I want to feel you inside of me all day,” she said, patting herself. He shivered, the words turned a key in him, and Freya smiled down at him as he sat on the side of the bed. She glanced down, wondering if she could get him off again. When she knelt, he could tell what she intended.

“Freya we’ll be so late…” Dan protested.

There was something in his voice that told her she could insist and he would go along with whatever she wanted. She smiled back at him, just knowing she could was enough.

Freya relented and they managed to get dressed without tumbling back into bed. On their way to the car Dan stopped abruptly, staring at the rifle in the corner.

“Woah,” he said. “What’s that all about?”

“Lassa doesn’t do anything halfway,” Freya explained, shaking her head.

“That’s insane.” Dan’s expression was clouded. He stared at the Sako through narrowed eyes with his head leaned back, like it was a serpent.

“So is Malcolm,” Freya countered.

“Jesus.” Dan was shaken. “Maybe we really should leave town.”

“We totally should. Malcolm threatened you too. We can get a leave of absence or something, I can talk to Mr. Evers about it. It doesn’t have to be Paris, we can go to New York!” Freya’s excitement rose as she spoke, but Dan looked uncertain.

“My mom was so upset with me, I don’t know how I’d get her to agree. I really wish I’d introduced you to her sooner. She’s going to be so predisposed against you.”

The thought was like a yawning pit, Freya hadn’t even considered the problem of Samantha Gregulus yet. Of course she would have to meet Dan’s mother, who now thought Freya was hell-bent on ruining her son’s life. Freya shut her eyes and covered them with her hand, staying the extra day had been a such a mistake. She felt Dan’s hand on her shoulder.

“It’s not that big a deal, I told her it was my idea. She’s mad now but she’ll get over it.”

“I thought you didn’t lie to her ever?” Freya questioned.

“I mean, it was ultimately my decision. I wanted to.”

“I leaned on you pretty hard. I’m sorry.”

Dan had been half-joking but his face grew serious, and his expression reminded Freya that he was two years older than her.

“Freya this weekend was the greatest experience of my life. I will never regret it.”

“I love you,” she said. They felt like magic words that could fix anything.

In the driveway the Toyota had been idling diligently the whole time they were screwing. When they climbed in Dan had to turn down the heat, their bodies were still running hot from exertion. They buckled in, and Dan took it very slowly down the driveway, he was afraid they might slide into the street.

“Is there something nice I could do for your mom? Do you know what flowers she likes?” Freya asked, trying to solve the problem.

“Black-eyed Susans,” Dan said, “But she hates it when people spend money on her, and she doesn’t like cut flowers.”

“I could give her a sprig of Yggdrasil,” Freya said, not being serious, and soon she wished she’d kept her mouth shut. She had to explain it was the name of her tree, then the myth behind it. It left her feeling simultaneously like an incredible nerd and a little outraged she had to explain all of this to Dan. How could he not know? She set her palm over the Starball in her pocket, wishing in vain for Unity.

“What about if I made her some cookies?” Freya asked.

“I bet she’d really like that. She’s allergic to chocolate though.”

“I can make her joulutorttu!” Freya said, suddenly excited. “They’re Finnish Christmas tarts.”

“It doesn’t have that salty licorice in it does it?” Dan made a face.

“Oh god no. No you make it with prune jam traditionally but you can use anything. It’s a ricotta pastry crust with lemon zest, you make them in the shape of a windmill. They’re like the only Christmas thing my mom likes to do.”

“That’s a great idea. I’ll totally you bake them. If we can find blackcurrant jam that’s her favorite.”

“I love blackcurrant! They’re my favorite kind of winegums. I don’t know why they’re not more popular in the states, Europeans love them.”

“They were illegal to grow for a long time, there was some fungus they were afraid trees would get. I think my mom has told me that about ten times,” Dan said, his eyes rolled for a split-second and then shot back to the road. “Anyhow that’s such a good idea. Want to do that tonight?”

“Absolutely. Can we go for a run first?”

“Yeah! Sounds like a good night. Run, make cookies, make up with my mom,” Dan said.

“Make love,” Freya added.

“You’re insatiable,” he said, with a little smile at the corner of his mouth.

“I want you,” she said. “The whole you,” she asserted.

“I hope so,” he said, and there was a needful edge in his voice that hung heavy in the car. For a moment there was only the sound of the engine as they climbed the hill to Grayson, they would have to part soon.

Freya had meant to have more time for them to talk. Dragging Dan back to her lair had been unplanned. Suddenly she realized that she had completely forgotten that she and Lassa were going to investigate the Starball after school. Her stomach twisted, this was exactly what had kept delaying her from investigating the Starball in the school lab.

“Speaking of mothers,” Freya said, and she stopped. That was how Lassa talked, that unnatural-feeling use of segue to guide a conversation. Focused on finding a parking space, Dan didn’t seem to notice her conflict.

“Yeah?” he finally asked, as she was struggling to figure out how to say it.

“Wait, let’s park first,” she said.

“Wow, ok,” Dan said, sounding a little concerned. He found a space between two Jeeps, one had parked too close to the line and they were going to have to get out of her side.

“What is it?” Dan asked,.

“I meant to tell you this but it got pushed out of my mind or I forgot, I don’t know which. Lassa knows. She got jabbed by the Starball too.”

“Oh shit,” Dan said under his breath.

He turned the key and killed the Toyota’s engine.

“Is she ok?”

“She took a CAT scan, there was a tiny speck in her brain. We probably have the same thing. That’s how it’s doing this,” Freya said, waving her hand from her to him. Dan’s face was growing pale. In her pocket she held the Starball, expecting it to grow warm. When it did, she could see the change in Dan’s expression, his mind was icing over.

Working on you.

“What the fuck,” he said, and the word slipped away into a hiss.

“I mean, we knew that, right? All the things it’s doing, it makes sense that it needs to mess with our brains right?”

“I guess so. I kind of… did I not want to think about it or would it not let me think about it?” Dan was struggling to get his words out.

“I don’t know. It just calmed you down, I could tell.”

“I felt that. I was um, getting upset.”

“What were you thinking when it did it?” Freya asked.

“That I… want out. I don’t though, do I?”

Her mind flashed forward to the locker, and Freya felt the beginning of nausea, but it was just an inkling, she had no real of intention of sealing the Starball away. The pained look on Dan’s face twisted in her worse than being starsick. She’d gotten him into this.

“Are we going to start hearing her thoughts too?” Dan asked.

“I don’t know. It would be so weird. She wants to run some tests on the Starball, we’ll try and learn more about it. She might come pull me out of school depending on how her meeting today goes.”

“Can you text me if that’s happening? I’ll come too,” Dan said.

“OK,” Freya nodded, feeling relieved at the thought of having him with her. Lassa might balk, but Freya would demand it. She stared at his face, wishing they were United.

Beneath his apprehension, she could tell he was curious about this. When Freya looked at Dan, she could read his expression in layers, the thoughts behind his thoughts. Flickers of the way he thought about Lassa, the suspicious feeling that what they had needed to be guarded, the greedy desire for more, more experiences, more sensations, more self.

As Freya was reading Dan, he was reading her right back, a whole silent conversation leaping between their faces. She saw him shut his eyes, and knew he was checking for Unity, it wasn’t there. This was something new.

“I didn’t know we could do that,” Dan said, and she nodded in agreement. Freya pointed her finger from herself to him and then closed it into a fist, meaning they were one. He reached out and held her hand.

“We’re getting closer,” she said. “Something is happening.”

The five minute bell rang as they were trying to get used to the strange feeling. They would both need to run to get to class on time.

“I want to talk to you more about this, but let’s not text about it ok?”

“Ok. Did anything else change?”

“Lassa’s talking with Hiidenkirnu today. Maybe someone’s listening, I don’t know. It could all get pretty crazy.”

“Whatever happens I love you,” Dan said, and Freya said it back. They squeezed their way through the narrow gap between the cars and ran to class.

Magic words.